Batman’s True Message?

Posted: July 30, 2012 in Introduction

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By Phillip Bausk

 

Athletes make too much money. We all know this. We all talk about this. And while it may bother us to a certain extent, we have come to terms with statements like, “it’s okay that Keith Van Horn will be worth more money than I will ever smell.” Well fine, I am not really okay with that particular fact, but maybe something more along the lines of, “JD Drew can pay me to sleep with a live animal and he would still have enough money to make me do it again.” Either way you get the point. A lot of overrated athletes have gotten huge contracts and this is something that we will never be able to avoid, unless we get rid of white athletes in general. Sure you have Jerome James and other African American athletes who make too much money, but let’s face it; we kind of owe them…

Moving on, I just saw the third Batman movie this weekend and really enjoyed it. It had action, some witty quips from even the stolid Christian Bale, and of course Anne Hathaway in a body suit. All of these things considered, there was once scene that did bother me. The football stadium scene made me think of a few things that I just need to try and explain to myself here. First of all, why was Hines Ward returning a kickoff? I understand they wanted a familiar name, but that fact that he is the recognizable name, while he would mainly only be recognized by football fans, just makes me head explode because us football fans know that Antonio Brown returns kicks, and even back in the day it was the infamous Antwaan Randle El.  Yes, this is useless, but at the same time I get paid whatever my salary is to pay attention to detail on a ridiculous email to hundreds of attorneys, but making something that is going to be seen by roughly 50 million people, you’re allowed to just pick a famous name. Why not have Ben Roethlisberger return the kick? I am sure people will recognize him from his Judge Joe Brown appearances…

I keep getting away from why I am writing this article. My main issue is what kind of professional athlete wants to go play in the city of Gotham. There are so many reasons why an athlete wouldn’t want to play there, let alone live in such a virile city. If you were getting offered a 4-year, $12 million contract from let’s say the Chicago Bears, and then Gotham comes at you with that same deal, but a 5th year player option for an addition $4.2 million, is that enough to really want to play in the most dangerous city in this alternate world that has been created? Odds are you won’t retire, because frankly, you’ll be paying off your insurance premiums forever!! The city is in constant fear, and even if you signed during that “8 years of peace” that is discussed, you would probably still be walking on egg shells.

We can go to the comics and see that Gotham is consistently under attack from crazy terrorists, such as The Joker, who by the way, never stays locked up for long so you know you can bump into him on public transit. Others include Bane, Poison Ivy, Ra’s al Ghul, the Riddler, Two-face, frankly the list is so long, I am surprised the city is still around at this point. Do you think it’s in a duty-free state? I would imagine the police officers there have huge salaries based on the fact they can get murdered in any way possible on any day possible, so the taxes for the city must be through the roof.

Side note here, being a police officer in Gotham, could be the worst job of all-time. I am sure you don’t get paid that much, you are always dumber than the common person based on the decisions you make in both the movies and the comics. You are usually led by an even dumber individual who constantly puts your life in jeopardy when something drastic occurs. You are always among the first to be killed in some sadistic way that I wouldn’t even wish upon my worst enemies and your weaponry is always out of date compared to some of your opponents. And can you imagine the paperwork if you do survive?!?!?!?!?

Anyway, is that player option really worth having to tread lightly everywhere you go in the city? Clearly your home games aren’t safe, so 8 times a year, not counting preseason and potential home playoff games, you can be buried alive under thousands of tons of the earth’s surface. When you go to and from practice, some type of gas can leak into your 2011 Range Rover and knock you out. The gas will also affect you in your 5600 square foot loft, so you aren’t safe there either. Family and friends that you fly in for games will be under the threat of their plane being hijacked, or their cab being torn to pieces by some explosives. You are putting yourself and everyone you know and love in harm’s way just so you can decide if you want to test the free agent market or not in 2017.

I understand why Pedro Martinez and Johnny Damon left Boston, but I can’t imagine why anyone would leave a city to go play for Gotham, except for maybe Dirk Nowitzki, he could be in on the next hostage situation. I think this is what Christopher Nolan was going for the entire time. He wasn’t worried about finishing a trilogy, or portraying a deep, social satire or meaning about how to live our lives. I think he was just making his point of how selfish athletes can be and wanted to show that they should be loyal to their hometowns and not leave their teams just for that fancy player option…      

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